How to Hold a Charming Conversation ~ Enrich Lives

Most people find it charming if a person can hold a nice conversation; one that is simple, natural and keeps the next person feeling entranced, important and the warmth of undivided attention. At the end of the conversation, everyone gets great pleasure. So, in this post, I will be giving simple and practical tips on how to achieve this.

Image credit: Aleksander Georgiev /Dating via Getty Images

It is often said that first impression matters. So, when meeting the person, smile and treat the person as if seeing that person makes you incredibly happy, and he is the most important person in the world at that moment. Focus all your attention on him. That person will definitely see it to be charming.

Avoid feeling tensed. If you feel tensed on whether that person will find you attractive, then you should know that charm goes beyond mere appearance; it is your ability to make the other person feel exceptionally good in your presence, and to create an initial rapport. So, take your focus off yourself onto the other person(s) you are meeting.

Try to compliment that person. Say something like “You look amazing”. It is added bonus if you add a nice comment to the compliment. For example, when commenting on the clothing, say something like “Your green bag match well with your dress, you look beautiful!” (Smile). Be real, people will know when you are acting phony

1. Be a good listener.

Listening gives you the ability to be aware and sensitive to what the person is saying and what he really means. People find it charming if they get your undivided attention during a conversation.

Listen attentively. Discontinue any activity you may be doing at the moment such as texting with your phone, et cetera, and try looking at the person. This behavior will be appreciated, and will help you connect emotionally well with the person you are having the conversation with. Dale Carnegie said, ‘Rapt attention is the highest form of flattery’.

Pause like 2 to 4 seconds before replying.

This helps you to avoid interrupting the person if he was pausing to reorganize his thoughts before continuing. Also, pausing makes the other person feel that what he said was important and that you are considering it carefully, and that helps you to understand the person more. If you do this, that person will see you to be intelligent and mature.

Ask questions thoughtfully for clarification.

This helps the person to elaborate on what he is saying. The beauty here is that the person that asks questions has control of the discussion. That person gives you his 100% attention to you while answering your question. Also, asking thought-provoking questions do inspire more conversation. Ask open-ended questions that require more than ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer.

Be concise with your questions; without drifting aimlessly before you get to the point. The questions should have a connection as you steer the conversation. For example, if the places you have been to are being discussed, cool spots in those areas might be next line of discussion. Not moving to an entire new topic like the schools you have been to, unless you use the appropriate transitional words.

Paraphrase in your own words.

This is a very good indication that you were paying attention to the person, unlike the phony listening which is common today. You can say something like, “So this is what happened… when you did this…, right?”

1. 2. Talk less of yourself and try to know more about that person.

A great conversationalist always allows other people talk about themselves. So, ask about the person’s day, her exciting experiences, where she is from, places she has been, her interests and hobbies, her work, and her life concerns, et cetera. then listen to her response and be fascinated by them.

Zeno of Athens, 350 BC, said, “The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is that we may listen the more and talk the less.”

By knowing more about that person, you are trying to impress that person. And the more you are impressed by that person’s personality, character, ideas, opinions, and achievements, the more that person will find you to be absolutely charming.

The kinds of question you will ask will be based on how well you know that person. Sometimes its helpful if you do a little homework; trying to know few things about the person you are meeting.

It is important that you remember to avoid starting your discussion on issues such as religion, health problems, politics, money, or sex with a person you are just meeting for the first time. This might sound offensive because they are too sensitive and controversial issues to start with, unless the other person is okay with discussing it later in the discussion.

Try to know the person’s opinion on any topic of discussion raised. Try saying, “What do you think about that?”.

Observe your tone of voice. Saying the right thing but using the wrong tone can make someone misinterpret you.

Before you start speaking, always check the emotional level of the person. In sad situations, just listening without talking gives relief to the person. The person might thank you for only listening to them.

Sometimes when someone comes with a hard choice or problem and asks for your opinion, you might turn it around and ask, “What do you think you should do?” and listen without interrupting. The person may come up with the answer and make you look like a genius. Lady Blessington said, “People are always willing to follow advice when it accords with their own wishes “.

Smile because it is infectious.

Be slow to speak. You don’t want to say what you can’t take back. Menander said, “A man’s character is revealed by his speech.”

Be quick to praise (or a genuine compliment).

1. 3. Give acknowledgement and assurance

Make the person feel that you are fully engaged in the conversation by doing the following:

Make direct eye contact. Absence of eye contact sends the negative signal that the person you are with is boring, and that you are not interested in what he is saying. You can also try to make a flick whereby you move your eyes from one eye of the person to his other eye. You have seen that done in movies, right?

Body language. You can use hand gestures, head tilting (dogs do it well that’s why we find them appealing), lean forward (shows like you quite interested in what the person is saying, but watch that you don’t invade into that person’s comfort zone), and head nods.

Use verbal and vocal reassurance.

Vocal reassurance includes: aah, mhmmm

Verbal reassurance includes: I see, wow, really? Know when to use these to acknowledge your agreement or doubt.

There is always the need to improve on your conversational ability using your past experiences. Below are few suggestions on how to get that done.

Keep record of what people find comfortable and amusing discussing so you can use them in your conversations with people in the future. You may also want to keep record of topics people find boring and uncomfortable with so as to avoid them in the future.

Try to be versatile with current events so you will have enough things to discuss about in the future.

Always know few things about the person you are meeting beforehand, if possible, to get a few pointers on topics of discussion you might use when meeting that person.

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